Two weeks.
That’s all that is left of the structure free summer.
Memories of time well spent and unfettered will quickly fade to grey.
New classroom, new students, new grades, new work. All seem to be flooding upon me like a hurricane.
It is a bittersweet time to cherish the last mornings of late rising and the last evenings of ice cream and the daily show.
Turned in exchange for early mornings and commutes. Early nights and limited desserts.
But also exchanged for delight. 215 smiles. Hugs daily. Free lunch. music, lots and lots of music.

Anticipation is bubbling. Brewing. So much is new and can what shall be the outcomes of the new day? I wait. I listen. I remain at peace.

Pencils are sharpened. Seats are assigned. Lessons are planned. I’m here, your teacher, tired already, but thrilled to see you.

Come in, all are welcome here. Summer happily traded for the new year found every autumn. For MY happiest place on earth.

In School.

I have never been accused of overtraining. If anything, I am an undertrainer. I am lazy. I like to do as little as possible to accomplish my goals. I’m not saying this to be self-depricating, I’m just being honest.

So the last few months, with hours long workouts on the weekends, have been tough. I’m tired, all the time. I’m hungry, all the time. I rarely want to leave my couch or bed. But I’m trying so hard to do what I need to do so I can hear the words…you know them….in a month.

But this weekend, I decided to be satisfied for bucking my schedule and listen to my body. So instead of a 5hr bike/1hr run yesterday and a 90 min 4:1 run today I did this….. Yesterday, 4:30 bike, 60 miles/30min run (nagging hamstring pain forced the run to stop) Today, 3.5 mile trail run (no walking) with sister and two rambunctious dogs. I would probably have not gotten out of bed today if it hadn’t been for the dogs and my sister meeting me. It was hard, but it was good for my soul. (Plus, I now have two tired dogs at my feet)

Some might say I am undisciplined for not doing exactly as my schedule dictates every day. Some might believe that I won’t be an Ironman. But I know that listening to what my body is saying is something no one else can tell me to do. That something is better than nothing when motivation is weak. And that if joy is lost, what is the point?

I’m glad I found joy today.

So a lot of people have asked A)why am I not blogging anymore and B)how was the “suicide” double century weekend. To answer quickly: A)I haven’t really felt “moved” to sit down and write lately. My ADD rages in the summer without structure. B)I am going to tell you about last weekend’s bike stuff…right now.

Back in January when I started training for Ironman, I knew that the “drop dead” date was in June, that meant 12 weeks out. I also knew that part of the 12 weeks out meant that I would have to spend two days back to back doing 7+ hr days (roughly 80-100 miles) on my bike. While there is a strong physical element to this, it was more to get to the point of mental break and then to press on. I dreaded this weekend for months. For two reasons, I am a very slow rider and not a huge lover of pushing on the bike. But the week finally came.

Day one: Eat a Peach Century, Carroll County, Maryland

DF (dear friend) and I arrived in Westminster, MD to the Ag Center around 8am. We got ourselves ready to go and hit the roads by 8:30am for the 67 mile course. Most people had started earlier, but 8:30 is about the time I think I’ll be starting the bike in WI, so it was a good idea.  DF was so sweet to do this ride with me. It is horrible. There is nothing nice to say about it other than perhaps you see a lot of cows. Climb after climb, up and up and up. As usual, I got crankypants early, around mile 30 and made a decision that perpetuem + hammer gel would NOT be my drink of choice any longer. Water, Coke = Good. Perpetuem = sugar tongue (and not the new song from the Indigo Girls). We played a nice game of “Sarah catches up”  as I would get dropped by everyone and their brother up the climbs, but my giant tush would get good speed on the descents. (yay for my booty)

I was really needing some h20 and when we arrived at the water at mi. 40, it was empty (mother “chicken” is what came out of my mouth here). So trudge onto 49, but about 5 miles later, after getting dropped and descending, DF was at the bottom of the hill where there was a convenience store. YEAH! I love Mt. Airy’s random convenience store. There I was able to get lots of water and a really cold can of coke.  This really really helped me feel better and kept my mind alert. So we pressed on.

With about 5 miles to go we faced some super duper big climbs and I started to notice that this point the flags weren’t just our orange one’s but all the other colors too. This made me realize that I would have to do this entire set of hills again, at the end of the 33 mile loop to complete the 100. Crap! But press on we did, arriving at the Ag center where I left DF behind and went out on the 33 mile loop.

I had the cue sheet but noticed pretty quickly that there were no yellow flags as had adorned most of the 67 course. So one missed turn and 2 miles of wrong direction later, I found I needed to follow the old course markings on the road (which were accurate).  The event directors had pulled all the flags from the 33 early. At this point, I was alone. And I don’t just mean without DF. I was the absolute LAST person on this course. There was not a single other cyclist for 33 miles. At one point a truck drove up and asked if I was with the “ride” I said yes. This turned out to be such a blessing as he called the water stop and told them to stay open. They cheered me in and gave me fresh, cold water. YEA! Bless them. Knowing all the other stops were closed, I stocked up and headed back out.

The 33 loop was a bit easier than the 67, but definitely NOT easy. I knew it would come time that I would find those hills again. But, I channeled DF’s words-“It’s just the Columbia course and a ride around your neighborhood” This really helped. At mile 96, Mr. Cool Guy (jackass) went to his mail box and said, “Did you have a flat? or are you just slow” Really? Really? (say those with rising pitch). No I’ve just ridden for 7 hours, 95 miles and I got lost, so screw you. Actually, I said, “I’m just slow, but I’m happy”.  Soon thereafter the Charm City Dudes in the XTerra started following me picking up flags (those that were still left) They were nice. They didn’t make me feel stupid for being so slow. They even held traffic for me at one intersection. 🙂

Finally, 7 hours and 45 minutes of RIDING time later (about 8:30 of actual time), I arrived back to the Ag center where lovely DF was the LAST car in a GINORMOUS field waiting for me.  I may be the slowest person ever to finish 100 miles at Eat a Peach, but I finished (gol-darnit). And…I had a peach.

Day Two: This was technically supposed to be a solo century, but being in that I will never be alone during IM, DF decided to drive me out to Kent Island to ride a flat century for day two. This turned out to be both a blessing and a curse. We got a late start (I needed to sleep) and didn’t start the ride until almost 10am. This was, I think, our most fatal mistake as it was perhaps the hottest day thus far this summer. As I’m now remembering why I don’t blog much anymore (I’m tired) I will give quick highlights from day two.

First, flat doesn’t mean easy. It means constant pedaling and no break for the legs. Plus a headwind, which when its 90 degrees without shade means it feels like being behind a jet engine all day.

Second, this ride had the road to nowhere. Seriously, I found Sarah Palin’s bridge plan…its a long-ass road in Kent Island. By the time I got to the end of it, I had started to crack. I unclipped, put my head in my aerobars and started this laugh-cry breakdown thing that was hysterical. It was only mile 30. But alas, we had to go back.

Third, I love Sam and his store. Sam is the lovely proprietor of the convenience store on the road to nowhere. At the first stop, I had a coke, water, and the world’s most delicious ice cream bar ever. Plus, just being in air conditioning was awesome.

Fourth, when you have a full-on breakdown at mile 65, it helps to have a friend. Full-on mental breakdown occured at mile 65. I think I spent miles 50-65 just wondering “why the hell am I doing this”  and then proceeded to express said anger in a colorful (read: curse filled) rant that lasted 5 minutes. DF just listened, in a fully non-judgmental way, then proceeded to convince me and go back to visit Sam. If we made it that far, we would add 10-15 more miles. “Ok” So off we went.

Fifth, Sam really is the best store owner ever. A second coke, another ice cream, fig newtons and water later and we had made it up to 75 miles. “Do I have to go down the road to nowhere again”, I asked DF. “No. We can go back from here now. You’ve been great” (:-)

And so DF and I pressed on, in the heat, through the paths, across the bridge and pressed on back past Ms. Frederick’s street and back to the car, where I proceeded to cry a little. So happy to be off my bike. We made it 88 miles. (which we called good as it was hotter than a w(*&^ in church)

188 miles. two days. 14:15. Four cokes, two ice cream cones, three pb&j’s, one peach, one great friend, and the toughest bike weekend ever. DONE.

So the day began the night before with this image. The sight of seeing my lovebug’s name on my rack spot. Tears ensued, I covered Blue’s computer and headed home to sleep the night before. For the record, I think chicken with a little pasta rather than pasta (or pizza) and a little chicken the night before was totally the way to go. Sleep didn’t come easy but eventually.

Brrrring..Brrrrring. 4:30am on Sunday morning to cool breezes in my Hobart William Smith dorm room. Bags were already packed so it was body glide up, braid hair, brush teeth, and eat time. Breakfast: banana, smuckers pb&j, apple, and tube of almond butter (and water)

Heading to the site I got the gorgeous view of Seneca Lake at sunrise.

I set up my transition area, realizing that every bike around me belonged to a boy. This was weird but I did see chicks around, so I figured I was just the lucky one. I set up my t area on my strawberry shortcake blanket. The boy next to me had spongebob which I thought was hilarious. The USAT nazi was out looking for mis-racked bikes so I helped a few strangers who were going the wrong direction. She was warpathing. (Seriously? It was 5am.)

Swim

The weather was lovely. In the 60’s with light winds and partly cloudy skies. The water was coming in at 68 deg, perfectly wetsuit legal. The day before I had gone in for a warm up without one and it wasn’t horrible. It could have been done without one but who doesn’t love extra bouyancy in the caboose right? My wave went off third and I positioned towards the left, near the front. I did this at Columbia and didn’t get kicked in the face all that much. This water was weird. It was very clean, but it definitely messed with my head that I could see all the way to the bottom. I did not want to see a snake, fish, or barracuda. (ok, so no barracuda’s in new york) I had swam (swum?) over a ginormous fish the day before and it was weird. I got into a decent rhythm early, but really had to think about form and kicking. My ws is really too short which messes with my barbie legs. The buoys came fast, which gave me confidence. The swim was fairly uneventful until the turn in the canal. This was supposed to be home free but the smell and taste of the water made me so sick. I had to sit up to (excuse me) gag. I had a two second mental smackdown and stuck my head back in and kept along. I found my way to the boat ramp and got up. whew. done. (34:39, 14th in AG! Woo Hoo!)

T1 was not particularly fast. I did not want to jack up my HR just to get to my bike faster while waddling in my wetsuit. My rack was halfway across the t area so I had to waddle pretty far. (do you have a mental waddle image? did it make you giggle?) (3:21, it was the waddling)

Bike

So I started out on the 56 mile bike course with very low expectations. Finish in 4 hours without dying. I had very little idea what the bike course would be like so I just went out and figured I would learn something along the way.The first 10 miles just plain sucked. I couldn’t get my body to feel right, everything from waist down hurt. Finally after the first bottle exchange we had a nice section of flat, really nice. It tucked in and pedaled like a mad woman, just to build my confidence. It worked, I felt much stronger, even though my legs hurt. I was hitting up to 23mph, which for ME, is huge. (I did get passed by a mtn biker and several people in cages….but at least this race doesn’t allow 12 year olds, the would’ve passed me too) Next thing I knew, I was at mi. 20. I felt pleased with this and kept fighting hard head/cross winds and long slow grades that were on the flat side, but deceptive. All in all, I felt the course was mostly flat. We had an amazingly gorgeous downhill to Cayuga Lake. I did take a moment to observe the beauty (two seconds) before snapping back into the fact that there was a hard right at the end. (or you end up in the lake so the RD says, he wasn’t kidding) Turning right back into the headwind, I just kept fighting it along Cayuga, pulling out 17+. Another right turn went up a steep climb. It actually felt great to be working the quads hard, the pain dissapated whenever I had to push. (what does this mean I wonder?) The sixish miles through the State Park kind of sucked. I held a decent pace (Pat didn’t pass me until 2:45 in the ride!!!) but the surface was rough which messed with mentally.  Finally with 12 miles to go, I got excited. I allowed myself to look at my avg. pace and saw it was right at 15. I knew I didn’t want to let that go so I pedaled hard and got a good push to the final turn. (I took a gel just before the turn into the park, I think this was great prep for the run.) Just as I was finishing the bike, the oa winners were finishing. Really?! I just pretended the cheering was for me.

My tush was happy to be off the bike. I definitely need to adjust my fit. I am really struggling with the right position both in and out of aero. The way I felt the best was definitely NOT the most aerodynamic…appt for a fit????

Bike finished. (3:42!!! under 4! 15.1mph. Alas, 30th/32 in ag…but this is to be expected)

T2: Fine. No drama but a little slow I’m realizing. Did I stop for a coffee or something? (3:32)

Run

I knew going into this race that the run was going to be a 4:1 run/walk system. What I wasn’t sure of was how fast to run the 4. So I just ran, sometimes fast, sometimes slow. What I did not expect after mile 2 was the GIGANTIC hills in the run course. It was harder than CT (I’m serious). The first big hill was so steep you could choose grass or steps. I chose grass as to not fall down. It was a walker, I would like to see the dude/chick who runs this hill. Then back on and through Geneva (concrete, SUCKS) to a turn into the HWS art school where I must say, the aid station folks were the best of all) My moment of hilarity came in a “nature break” behind a garden wall only to discover a p-o-j around the corner. Another girl and I had a good laugh at this one and decided my choice was more sanitary. I was continuing on the 4:1 and getting frustrated by the run speed. It felt good, but I knew it was deceptive. I know now how SLOW I really was, alas, at least I learned. The run was truly uneventful but so darn hilly I got sick of it. What I did learn from the 4:1 is that in the end, it is better. I played cat and mouse for over an hour with a girl from the adirondacks who told me the bike course was hilly (really? come do CT).  In the last 1.5 miles I opened up and stopped 4:1 just to finish hard. I ended up kicking her tail. (not that i was racing but…) In the end, I am most disappointed by the run. Really? Me? It was just to damn slow. But, now I know. (2:21, which is 10:47 pace, yikes.)

Final: 6:45:14 (Not 7 hours!!!) Not the fastest, but not the slowest. Not as good as friends, but good enough.

The finish was fun. the little boy gave me my medal and said “this one is the best because it has TWO” All the medals were made from old bike chain pieces. I have two cogs(?) from an old campagnolo cassette. It is the coolest medal EVER. Then onto food which included fresh local peaches and ice cream.

What I learned:

• When I OWS I need to focus on stroke and not freak out about fishes.
• I can go hard on the bike, if I wanna. And I will get passed, but if I’m going hard in “Sarah World” that is all that matters.
• WHen I make sure I eat a lot of protein and fat, I stay mentally acute.
• I need to run harder on the 4 of 4:1.
• That doubling this distance in 6 weeks is not as scary as I thought.

(So I don’t forget here is the food log)

Food: 3 Hammergels’s (two on bike and one on run), 1 PBJ on bike, 2 full bottles-1 HEED, 1 Perpetuem w/a choc. hammergel mixed in), drink at every water stop on run (mix water, heed, two stops of coke yum.), 4 electrolyte tabs on run. (really needed advil on bike)

Onto IM…..

So up to this point I haven’t blogged from the Great Midwest Tour of 2009. It is not from lack of desire or topics, in fact I have kept a running list things upon which I shall ruminate. Here are the highlights of the last 8 days.

(In no particular order)

1. Seeing M&P in Libertyville, IL, eating Gino’s East for the first time in many years.
2. Getting “through” 102 miles of the IM Wi bike course. Thought I was going to die at 50 but a lunchable and coke later and I was all good.
3. Running along Lake Michigan on the 4th of July. (Ok, the running sucked, but the company was great and the day was beautiful)
4. Holding the 10 day old Emma Ruth in my hands.
5. Having a glass of wine while observing the cows and relaxing with Cam (the cows were in the brush beyond her yard…awesome)
6. Getting my a*& kicked by local triathletes in both swim and run.
7. Having a big giant cherry lime coke in Iowa and then crossing the Missouri border and passing by towns I’d actually heard of
8. Seeing my bff and her new husband blissfully in their home.
9. Watching Stage 6 of the TdF and getting to explain “bike stuff” to bff
10. Riding up and down the rollers of JoCo, KS in the blazing sun.

I can honestly say that all of the miles on my car and tanks of gas shall be completely worth it to see the world’s best friends. I am blessed beyond measure to have these women in my life.

More to come……

Every day something hits me and I think, “ooh, I want to blog about that”, but then I get caught up in something else and the day goes by. (These are moments i wish I had a blackberry with a decent web-browser)

So I think I’ll just share what hit me yesterday. I was parked at a light and did not, immediately upon turning green, shift into first to go. I perhaps paused a moment to shift. In doing so a very large garbage truck sped up behind me and laid upon their air horn causing a disruptive noise pollution and a bit of fright. Instead of appropriately waving, I found my reaction to be one of anger. I was ticked. Seriously, was his horn a proportional response to my taking an extra second to shift my poor Bubbles into first? So some colorful, not so Christian language found its way out of my tongue as I sped off in my five speed towards the next light. To add insult to injury, as I moved to turn to my next destination, he passed by in his lumbering truck and laid on it again. He received my finger, and not my pinkie.

That’s when it hit me. Oooh, b-slapped by the Lord. As I raised that hand in anger, it was at the same level as the wooden baptismal cross that hangs from my mirror. Yikes. Nice language “Christian Girl”.

I read a church sign once that said, be mindful of yourself as you might be the only bible some people ever see. (or something like that) That is a tough prospect when a cross hangs from your car, your neck, your finger. It should serve as a constant reminder that we are the hands and feet of God. That we are to serve our brothers and sisters with kind word and compassionate actions. Does this stop us from being human? No. We are human. We get angry, but it is James I that we are reminded to be “slow to speak and slow to anger: for anger does not produce God’s righteousness.” (19, 20)

If I were to guess I would say that I have blogged about this before. My big mouth and harsh tone has gotten me into my fair share of scrapes over the years. It’s funny because this section of my bible has this passage underlined, arrowed, and sticky noted. Hmmm, what is it about this message that I can’t get through my fat head?

I think it is less about understanding and more about self-discipline. Ah, always coming back to self-discipline that one huge gap that doesn’t exist in so many areas of my life. I train, but not consistently. I teach, but constantly change my plans. I go to church, but not every week. I try to save, but feel the need to shop. Oh great God, guide me to stop this madness.

I know that two major things I need are balance and discipline. How do find these things? I am very much hoping that I find some kind of answer to this when I unplug in July. As I typed this I just watched a TWW episode from season 7 where Josh cracks and Sam gives him a verbal ultimatum about taking a vacation. I think that I have reached that point. I think there is so much swirling in my head that I am quick to anger yet conversely easy to laze. (is that word laze?) There doesn’t seem to be a lot of middle ground.

So here I publicly apologize to the garbage man for my rude words. I’m sure he just didn’t want to brake when the light turned. Also, if he wants to talk about the reason I have that cross in my car, I’m totally open.

And I think that I will work harder at finding balance by taking the July break seriously. So if I really go awol, you’ll understand, dear reader.

Peace.

A lovely and appropriate insight from the master Paulo Coelho.

The Wounded By Love Agreement

Every summer I make a lofty, inflated summer reading list. As if I can turn off my computer long enough to linger over pages. Ok, so sometimes this is possible, but…darn that Facebook. This year there are a few more non-fiction titles on the list. I’m open to fiction suggestions.

Nevertheless, here is the list as it stands today:

Finish: Gluten Free Girl (an amazing memoir/celiac manual, such incredible writing and eye opening text. @glutenfreegirl is amazing)

Finish: The Fifth Mountain by Paulo Coelho. @paulocoelho is equally amazing

The Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey (isn’t it time I got my financial head out of my ass?)

The Inheritance of Loss

Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri Everything she writes is captivating.

For work: Beyond Discipline by Alfie Kohn. I had other hopes for our summer reading assignments, but discipline was our topic so I took the most “controversial” of the theorists. This is the dude who disses (yes Mom, I used your word) homework, so he and I gotta be close on wavelength!

On a sad book note, I am moving across the hall to a new place with a roommate (this is a good move) but I will have to find new homes (goodwill, storage, give to friends) for most of my library for the next year or so. I realize these material possessions are not my source of strength, hope, grace, or value, but I will miss them on their shelves, corners, and piles as they do make me feel like I’m home. Looking for something to read dear reader? Other than RST of course, send me a holler and I’ll see what I got for you.

Happy Literary Stimulation.

Today was the Columbia Triathlon. This is an Olympic (International) distance race, which in this case means, 1500m swim, 40K bike, 10k run. I had struggled in the last month of training due to illness and a schedule from the warm place. But through the advice and encouragement of RP in Wi and AC (awesome coach, from now until September. :-), I somehow managed to muster.

This was a head game. I felt really lonely today so getting my head out of the “I wish I had someone to zip my wetsuit” talk took all the way from prep to halfway through the swim. But eventually, I managed to get my head in the game and to work. I don’t feel like I left anything in the tank. It’s all somewhere around Centennial Lake.

Race Report:

After rain all night, the t was muddy and wet, but nonetheless, I tried to set up my area to prevent further flooding. I got there early so I took lots of time setting up but was so cold, I put my wetsuit on 45 minutes before the race. I saw the pros come into t1 which was cool, they swim so fast. Then I tried to find a place to chill out before my wave. I found a few friends which helped to calm the last minute nerves. Got a final hug from AC. The lake was not cold as I anticipated. The muck was a bit gross, so I was glad to swim out near the first buoy. We took off and I started off on the trek. I really struggled here to find a rhythm. Just after the turn at the end of the lake, I felt really uncomfortable and almost lost my breakfast. The water never opened up. I could not get out of my head. Then I encountered the “flapper”. Oh good God, she was a good swimmer but I think she lost a lot of energy with her incessant flapping of feet. It was so loud I kept trying to avoid her, but alas, we were similar pace. Finally I broke away for a bit, still struggling with rhythm. At the last, the final buoy and I ended up fighting it out with flapper for the last few meters (it was a mental thing).

T1 was generally fine. A small snafu with the wetsuit and everything I owned was drenched but I found my way up through the mud to the the bike mount. Deep breath….

Just onto Rt. 108 I realized that I totally forgot to reattach my computer, meaning I would have only my perceived rate of exertion to tell me about speed, distance, and cadence. damn. Plus, the ground was incredibly wet and full of puddles from the torrent. No sunglasses either, due to fog. But pedal away…I started off kind of slow just to get my breathing under control. I felt surprisingly confident on the first descent despite the fact that the roads were super wet and puddly. I just kept pedaling despite the exorbitant number of people passing my fat a** up and down the hills. I reached the I felt strong as I took the one flat section fast (for me). Then it was up and down the back hills. (I didn’t lose my chain MM!!) I felt really strong reaching the top of Greenbridge and after the turn on Linthicum, I started to push. Through my favorite section on FQ, then up the corn hill and headed back to the park. I had some cramps in my feet/calves I think from the cold, and my tush was absolutely on fire, but alas….I finished in 1:38, which was amazing for me. Almost 16 mph which is slow for most of the world but for me….I was practically speeding.

T2 was fine. No major rush. However, I did find my special tootsie roll in my shoe lace!!! YEA!!! Special Tootsie Roll. So I popped it in the trap and headed out for the run.

Oh, pain and agony. The hills. There is no way to explain how much of a B this course is to the “un-runned”. The park is hilly enough but then you go out to the ‘hood and its horrific. I am amazed at how fast some of the racers run this course. I plugged away, not really paying attention to my splits, rather just trying to maintain a consistent effort. Upon leaving the hills and seeing the cheer squad, I felt a surge to get through the last 2mi and pushed. I talked a girl up the “gatorade hill” and then basically talked her through the last mile and pushed her up the final hill before I took off for the dh finish. It was a slow run by my standards, but given the day 55 minutes will do.

Total time: 3:09, 43rd/86th W30-34. Way to be 50%

I was greeted at the finish by AC. She made me feel so special. Everything from the hips down hurt and I wasn’t ready to be happy about the finish. After a fattening lunch and a warm bath, I felt like I could reflect with a positive attitude.

This is just the “warm up” everyone said. Today is not about CT, it is about IM. Ok, but I still wanted to do ok here. I think I learned a lot about what I need as far as support goes and I learned that I need a heck of a lot more work with every element. That’s what I need to do for the next one, plan, prepare, and work HARDER.

So, if I can successfully complete this, as I did today….can i???

Finish 130 miles in 2 days next weekend for Hole in the Wall Gang? Plus finish raising $1000…

Finish the Musselman Half-Ironman distance (70.3) in July

Maintain focus for four months so I can complete IM Wi?

I believe so, but it is more than belief.

For now, I rest.

Hi There Readers,

Yes, I’ve been gone a long time. It has been a very busy winter/spring. Life has taken so many twists and turns an ne’er a day has gone by without something on the full schedule.

As I sit here, fluffy love at my side, I ponder this weekend’s big race. I am not ready, but in a way that is different than not being ready for a marathon. This is bigger to me in some way. I feel like I have lost who I am as an athlete. I no longer have muscles in places where they used to be and the tire around my middle is certainly not suffering from malnourishment.

In the midst of this moment of self-loathing, I received a great email from BFF/RP with this lovely video which is entitled, Onwards. It gave me four minutes of remembering that this is a process. Being an athlete. Yes, there are destinations and milestones. But the goal is to move forward on a regular basis rather than simply hitting goals. I’ve not been moving forward lately and its time to step it up.

I am hoping dearly that as I leave the spring behind and move into summer that I will find the balance I need to move forward. I hope you’ll be patient with me as I’m on this journey.