i get it but.

Every day something hits me and I think, “ooh, I want to blog about that”, but then I get caught up in something else and the day goes by. (These are moments i wish I had a blackberry with a decent web-browser)

So I think I’ll just share what hit me yesterday. I was parked at a light and did not, immediately upon turning green, shift into first to go. I perhaps paused a moment to shift. In doing so a very large garbage truck sped up behind me and laid upon their air horn causing a disruptive noise pollution and a bit of fright. Instead of appropriately waving, I found my reaction to be one of anger. I was ticked. Seriously, was his horn a proportional response to my taking an extra second to shift my poor Bubbles into first? So some colorful, not so Christian language found its way out of my tongue as I sped off in my five speed towards the next light. To add insult to injury, as I moved to turn to my next destination, he passed by in his lumbering truck and laid on it again. He received my finger, and not my pinkie.

That’s when it hit me. Oooh, b-slapped by the Lord. As I raised that hand in anger, it was at the same level as the wooden baptismal cross that hangs from my mirror. Yikes. Nice language “Christian Girl”.

I read a church sign once that said, be mindful of yourself as you might be the only bible some people ever see. (or something like that) That is a tough prospect when a cross hangs from your car, your neck, your finger. It should serve as a constant reminder that we are the hands and feet of God. That we are to serve our brothers and sisters with kind word and compassionate actions. Does this stop us from being human? No. We are human. We get angry, but it is James I that we are reminded to be “slow to speak and slow to anger: for anger does not produce God’s righteousness.” (19, 20)

If I were to guess I would say that I have blogged about this before. My big mouth and harsh tone has gotten me into my fair share of scrapes over the years. It’s funny because this section of my bible has this passage underlined, arrowed, and sticky noted. Hmmm, what is it about this message that I can’t get through my fat head?

I think it is less about understanding and more about self-discipline. Ah, always coming back to self-discipline that one huge gap that doesn’t exist in so many areas of my life. I train, but not consistently. I teach, but constantly change my plans. I go to church, but not every week. I try to save, but feel the need to shop. Oh great God, guide me to stop this madness.

I know that two major things I need are balance and discipline. How do find these things? I am very much hoping that I find some kind of answer to this when I unplug in July. As I typed this I just watched a TWW episode from season 7 where Josh cracks and Sam gives him a verbal ultimatum about taking a vacation. I think that I have reached that point. I think there is so much swirling in my head that I am quick to anger yet conversely easy to laze. (is that word laze?) There doesn’t seem to be a lot of middle ground.

So here I publicly apologize to the garbage man for my rude words. I’m sure he just didn’t want to brake when the light turned. Also, if he wants to talk about the reason I have that cross in my car, I’m totally open.

And I think that I will work harder at finding balance by taking the July break seriously. So if I really go awol, you’ll understand, dear reader.

Peace.

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