It has been a week since the Baltimore Marathon and now I finally have a few moments to re-hash the day.

I wanted to complete my 10th marathon in 2010. I thought it would be fun to have a nice numerical day. 10th marathon in the 10th month in 2010 which also happens to be the 10th anniversary of the b-more race. Whoo Hoo! I convinced MM to fly out and join me so off training we went albeit in different states (sucky!).

We showed up race morning via the Light Rail and made our way to the Alz Stars tent (my Mom’s on the team), dropped our stuff, and shivered around in the wind for a while. A $1 shot of DD coffee was just the perk needed to warm up the body and mind. Kisses to K and texts to CJT, who would be our superfans on this day, and off we went to the starting line.

We placed ourselves around the 4:45 group, knowing that it was going to be a long day. The night before we had written out a list of all the topics we had to cover in our 26.2 mile long chat. The cannon blasted and off we went, shuffling along and heading up the road.  And I do mean up. I knew that the late miles were hilly but I hadn’t experienced the first 13. The first four-five miles were quite an uphill adventure. We talked and talked and just kept moving forward. Our conversation picked up right where we left off when we saw each other last Christmas.

My body seemed to handle the first handful of miles well. I knew that my muscles would tighten early. We kept the pace pretty even, averaging about 10:30min/mi pace. I missed my second GU timeline, but got back on track at 1:45. I really enjoyed the first half of the course, it was a good mix of hilly and flat with awesome fan support. I absolutely LOVED the two cheering groups near AVAM from local charter schools. The spirit was exactly what I’d like to see from a school.

We saw our superfans at the start, somewhere around mile 6, and then again at the half point, they popped up everywhere!! They were awesome. As CJT said, “Jesus wants you to run” which kept us laughing for a while. We headed through the party parts of town (Fells, Canton..) and then through Patterson Park. Ah, then the hills began. Miles 16-20 we knew were coming. Rolling is really an understatement. It just felt like up and up, over and over. We finally reached the top of the worst hill of the race up to mile 20. I promised MM that we were at the last hill (ok, the last worst hill) and that we would get over 2 miles of flats. God Bless Lake Montebello!!

I still felt mentally and physically acute even through the big hills. I wanted to soak all of it in. MM had started feeling a bit of pain in the late teens, so we took lots of time to stretch in the second half. Through the parties of Waverly we went where we consumed both delicious beer and gummy bears, then we found our way back to Howard Street where we took the race home. I had forgotten about going over the bridge at MICA but MM and I pushed up and down the bridge. We were surrounded by walkers. Press on, I said.

We turned left onto Eutaw for our final mile and I saw the famous Bromo Tower. It became our beacon of hope as we hit the “no walking” phase of the race. We saw our superfans one last time at mi. 25 and picked up our turnover. Even here at mile 25 into 26 we saw so many walkers. For me, having finished “slow” before, this was normal. For MM, who has never finished under 4:20, this was a new experience. In those last miles, we started targeting our footsteps. We would pick our targets and work to get past them. Not to “beat” them, but to give us a purpose for forward motion. We made our way through Camden Yards and came around. We saw a man decked in full Ironman apparel and made that our last target. It was easy. 🙂

We came across hand in hand in 4:46:25. By far the slowest marathon for both of us. But it didn’t matter. Really. To have the chance to share my 10th marathon with my best friend and the world’s best running partner in Charm City…that is awesome no matter the pace.

My thank you’s go out to my Next Step coaches and running mates, to our amazing Superfans, to the organizers and amazing neighborhoods of Baltimore, and to MM. I could not have done this alone, nor would I have  wanted to do so.

In the spirit of 10.10.10 today, I thought I’d reminisce on the last ten years of my life and look at what has come, gone, and begun. Here is what has happened…

2000: I performed my senior recital, was a Celebration choreographer, moved in with the Edmonds, ended a 2.5 year relationship, student taught in Liberty, MO.

2001: moved to Iowa and learned a whole new way of life, moved to Kansas City, sang in a fantastic worship band.

2002: decided to leave teaching, started running, worked at DC opera for the second time.

2003: Spent the year on the Opera America Fellowship, learned more than I could have ever imagined, grew exponentially in my ability to deal with change, met my favorite opera singer, learned to row, ran my first marathon.

2004: lived in San Diego. met amazing people, ate amazing food, fell in love, fell in love with Buddy, trained with an amazing group, sang and taught Godly Play in an amazing cathedral, ran my second marathon

2005: moved back to Maryland and to the classroom, trained with Striders for the first time, ran my third marathon with my college best friend, got engaged, met MM-the world’s best RP.

2006: changed schools and moved to Independent school world, bought a house, got married, started my Master’s, ran my fourth and fifth marathons.

2007: lived a fairly benign life, felt settled, did my first triathlon, became a part of Team Hole in the Wall, ran my sixth and seventh marathons.

2008: watched my world collapse, learned who my real friends were, lost love and hope, participated in KSI and learned a million new things about teaching, ran my eighth and ninth marathons.

2009: took the crazy challenge of a year of training, finished my Master’s, rode my first Angel Ride, spent a summer on the road, fell in love again, finished an Ironman, was reborn in so many ways.

2010: spent a lot of time on the couch, had my first “real” injury, lost my puppy love-bug, moved in with a boy who made me believe in love again, started my fifth year in the same job, swallowed a big cup of pride punch and joined next step, and (in a week) ran my 10th marathon.

A decade of blessings and learnings. What shall the next 10 years bring? I will not worry about that today, I’ll worry about that tomorrow.

Last week I did probably made the craziest athletic choice since signing up for IM. I signed up for my first 50k. And, it’s a 50k trail race. (I have been trail running probably no more than 25 times and only 3 miles to boot.) I wanted a new challenge and a softer surface for my big “bones” so I jumped into the pool and got into a race that I truly have no business trying to run.

I was excited about this and shared it with a colleague. The colleague looked at me with utter horror and said, “why???”. Not, “why you crazy lady?” but rather, “why are you stupid enough to do that? and why must you take on more physical challenge”. It was overwhelmingly hurtful. I don’t believe intentionally but I was expecting, “wow, another challenge for you” not really, a judgmental “why”.

So my answer to WHY is…I was a pretty sedentary kid, teen, young adult so I didn’t understand what it meant to push the body physically.  When I started running at age 23, I became a new person. When I did my Ironman last year, I was reborn to discipline. In the last year, I have let that discipline lag tremendously. My muscles know it, my pace shows it, and my mental state has been a clear marker. By giving myself a goal which right now seems ludicrous, I have given myself the chance to renew discipline and try something new. To remind myself everyday that I am not defined by my job, my life circumstance, or by any other outside factor unless I choose to be. And I choose to be a runner.

Why WOULDN’T you?

Today I ran 18 miles. This may seem long or ridiculous to you but I have run 18 miles many times in the last 8 years so it is not particularly remarkable. I have 27 days until my 10th marathon. I have had a really hard time training this season. I am in a constant state of pain when running and I’m slow. Slower than I was in my first marathon in 2003 when I did little to no training at all. It will all be worth it to run with the world’s best running partner and fellow Ironman, MM, but it has been a long road.

As I slogged away for over 3 hours today, I tried to focus on anything but pain. I compiled a list of all the things in my life in the last 10 years (that’s another post entirely), tried to dwell on what I’ve done in past training that works, and tried to be courteous to all people I encountered and that is what I shall focus on briefly here.

I say hello or good morning when I pass you. It is just in my nature to say hello to random strangers as I believe it is a nice way to encourage positive human interaction.  If you are intensely focused on your workout and you ignore me, I can understand to some degree. If you don’t hear me because of your headphones blasting, ok. If we pass each other at 6:15am, you don’t speak English and I startle the crap out of you, I apologize. But if you look straight at me like a psycho killer because I say good morning to you and your two cute poodles on Cradlerock Way just before the Windharp path, well…then you just need a slap with a happy stick. It was not like I said “go F yourself” or ” you’re ugly”; I said good morning. A basic human greeting between the hours of 5am and noon. It makes me sad to see people so completely uninterested in this brief kind of interaction. I do not know this person, he was a Yankees fan according to his chapeaux, but I hope that perhaps he simply had gas or something when I greeted him. I hope that he is happy in his daily goings and has love because the brief moment I spent with him made me temporarily afraid that I was going to be verbally splayed.

Dear reader, I hope that you have the courage to continue to say hello to those you pass and do so even when you receive a frown. There is no harm in making positive effort to renew grace in our hamlet of Columbia.

My dear bf has just started to read Matt Fitzgerald’s Racing Weight. It is no secret that at IM weigh-in I was the heaviest I’ve ever been in my life and have certainly not taken any off by months of sedentary life. Reading the book has sparked in him the desire for “us” to spend one week monitoring everything that we eat. He has done this before but I never have, ever (do I have to turn in my girl card for admitting that?). I have been logging my workouts on Training Peaks for a while and have always nerded out on the data. (Damn I miss my Garmin) It calculates pace and calories out for me, which is great. But I really am interested in the calories in part of the equation. So I played with the food tracker functions the other day and am totally amazed at what I can do with the logs. I have inputted every b/l/d/s for the last two days, which I can do easily from any computer and almost easily from my phone. On Monday, pondering a desire to have lunch at Cal Tort, I did some research before I went and had a mild heart attack at the sodium count of my fave burrito (1200…ew). Nonetheless, it was delicious and I imported the data into TP. Truly, by the end of the day the totals weren’t so bad. Of course, I could use less sugar, my addiction to coca-cola is just too hard to break, but I will give myself that one for now given everything else. It is really neat and informative to see the data in charts and graphs. (If only I had an easel…)

I am not a huge proponent of spending a lot of time contemplating my eating (hence my waist size and unfortunate appearance in the bod department) but, if seeing data like this can spark an interest in attentiveness, I’m all for it. This is just yet another reminder for me that I am truly a nerd and I embrace it wholeheartedly.

Today I had the blessing of racing the bike leg of the Columbia Iron Girl Triathlon. I completed the entire Iron Girl in the summer of 2007 and it was a fun experience albeit stressful for personal reasons. Today, it was all about the fun. I was a fill in for a relay team put together by my boss at the running store and a friend of hers who I ended up following at IMLP in July!  Assignments for role had already been made so it was the bike leg for me.

As anyone who knows me or has read this blog more than once knows, I am not a good cyclist. I wish I was, I wish I was strong and fast, but even when I trained my tush off, I am still slow! My goal today was to go out and attempt to maintain 15 mph. This I’m afraid to say, is super slow compared to every other cyclist I know. Nonetheless, it was my goal. I started out on the bike after a tag from Linda, our swimmer. My heart rate was really going hard. I was excited and nervous. I wanted to do a good job for our team. I knew I hadn’t trained the way I should have as I’m training for Baltimore marathon, but I just went out to push.

The roads were wet from sporadic torrents all morning. IG has a lot of first timers and a lot of ladies on mtn bikes, hybrids, and in one case, a bike that was clearly her kid’s. A lot of the new riders don’t necessarily know all the rules of road riding and definitely not the triathlon rules. It didn’t really bother me, I was so proud to see all of these women pushing heavy bikes up the rotten hills of the course. I did a lot of “on your left” which is fine. I pushed some pretty big gears through the first portion and was at Mt. Albert in no time. Being that I wasn’t racing in my AG I found myself seemingly doing well amongst my road peers. I gained strength from cheering for all the ladies up the hills and reminding everyone to drink at the top! It was in the Mt. A neighborhood that I did get yelled at by a TF gal for being to the left (I was passing on a downhill). Alas, we can’t all be sportswomanly. It was really nice to have names on the back of the race belts so that as I passed I could tell the girls by name. I zoomed down Folly Quarter and did a very consistent job getting up to FQMS. I was pleased I got there in 40 minutes. It felt so comfortable.  (Now onto the second half)

I blasted down my favorite descent to the GCS hill and once again tried to stay steady. I had a nice interaction with two young (24 y/o) TF gals who were so strong on climbs. (However, body weight is an advantage when descending…) It started to pour as I was on my way back which has a lot of descending. At one point, my wheel skidded but I managed to be calm and pump my breaks. Whew. I was making a hard descent after the Corn Hill and almost got on a gals wheel. I yelled pretty loud to get her to move, and I think it may have been too loud, as she muttered under her breath something as I passed. (I apologize to her; I just wanted her to hear me! No crashes!!)  I pushed a bit more and found myself ascending the last hill on Homewood quite well and was even complimented for my politeness. Why, thank you. I just feel like racing is the perfect time to remind the people around me that they are super strong, have a nice shirt on, have a cute bike etc. It helps me more than them, I’m sure, but it is pretty darn amazing to see that many active women.

The last turn onto 108 and my bike computer looked like it said I was going really fast. So I decided to push a big gear and the highest cadence I could stand all the way back in. It seemed like it was seconds from when I started as I turned into the park. I am not positive but I would say my unofficial time (including out and in from transition) was 1:07 (15.6mph). This felt amazing. I am so pleased. Upon further review, I was not as fast as 2007, but for having ridden only once maybe twice since May, I was really happy.

Which leads me to the title of this post. I am a lazy athlete. I rarely train well. The only time I’ve really put myself into training have been prepping for SD RnR in 2004, MCM in 2005, Austin Half in 2007 and Chicago in 2008 (The last two of those were PR’s and that is all due to running with MM). Since IM I have completely fallen off the wagon and frankly, I didn’t even train as hard as I should have for IM.  I always say, “I wonder what I could do if I took training seriously?” From training schedule to nutrition, it would be a neat experiment to see how I could really improve and change my life if I put in the effort I should. This is a constant wonder for me…

For now, I will shortly bask in the happiness I have from today’s race. I am proud of my team and proud of all the women who took on the mighty challenge of triathlon. The wonder can sit gently in the back of my head and bother me later.

This summer I have read quite a number of lovely books and really wish to do abbreviated book reports. I should probably be in a book club, but time and circumstance truly do prevent it. So the blogosphere allows me the time to spew my random collection of thoughts about books without the penalty of challenge by a club. Relax Dear Readers, it won’t be a diatribe. Here we go…Book Report #1

Leaving Church by Barbara Brown Taylor

I have been wanting to read this memoir by master preacher Barbara Brown Taylor for a long time. In this book she weaves the tale of her life in the collar specifically focusing on her experiences as a country preacher in small town Georgia. Her love of the EC, its liturgy, its history are so very apparent. As is her type A devotion to her congregation. She speaks openly about not only the pleasure of “the cloth” but its responsibilities and truly, burdens.

As most Type A’s do, she comes to place where she recognizes her time to separate from her parish. But beyond that, she also finds her need goes deeper and she chooses to gracefully leave the church completely. In my reading of her memoir, her exit from parish leadership was not scandalous, but rather a natural parting when the time was appropriate.  I could feel the heart-wrenching experiences in both her work and her exit. I find myself deeply relating to her constant need to serve her congregation and community many times to a fault.

What I find so refreshing is her embrace of the God of everything. She does not see malice in stepping away from her congregation and her regular pulpit. She does not see herself as less a spiritual or practicing Christian woman because on some Sundays (more rather than less) her sabbath is spent in true communion with God’s creation.  Her true observance of the sabbath as it was laid out for us, as a day of REST, is inspirational. The community she experiences is different now, but honest, balanced, almost free it seems.

I have spent a lot of years in and out of church, almost always  the church of my childhood, The Episcopal Church. I have never toyed with the fundamental belief about God and Christ not to an extent that I would wish to negate my religion. But the ins and outs of church practice and community have given me an array of struggles, particularly in my 20’s and now 30’s. I’m such a traditionalist in terms of liturgical practice and fairly pragmatic in my hope of preaching but rarely do the two collide (my one experience with this was my short-lived time with St. Paul’s Cathedral, San Diego where great music and relevant, inspired preaching connect every Sunday.) My consistent participation in one congregation is two years, at best. Then I find myself restless, even if I haven’t truly given my all to the congregation. (As is the case in my current congregation.)

On a flip side, I have spent several years toying with the idea of joining the band. I wonder if the abilities and skills that God his laid out for me are a good fit for ministry?  I am daunted by the process of which I have been carefully warned. But the idea sits naggingly upon my ear, scratching from time to time when I take a moment to ponder my future.

This is where I find myself at a crux. Shouldn’t someone who is pondering a lifetime of ministry of some kind actually be an active part of their congregation?  (Easy answer: yes.) I am not interested in cataloguing the faults of my beloved denomination but suffice to say it is difficult to be an unmarried, childless 20-30 something in the average parish. (There are, of course, exceptions to the rule, usually in larger cities or larger, wealthier parishes than I have been a part of.) How do I find peace with both the beauties and the beasts of any given congregation and embrace its community for both?

I have no resolution. But it was in the reading of Mrs. Taylor’s (as she is referred to upon leaving her parish post and accepting her collegiate position) memoir that I found such a comfort in the recognition that one’s spiritual path or “Christian-ness” does not merely receive credit within the stone walls of the red doored building. While for me, it provides a sense of home. It is not the place I have to go to experience God or feel a part of His church.

My direction, I know not. Her inspiration, of that I’m confident. Thank you Mrs. Taylor.

I have two months until the Baltimore Marathon. It will be my 10th marathon. It is also Baltimore’s 10th Anniversary taking place in October of 2010…(I like symmetry)

I have not run a real marathon since Phildelphia in 2008 where we froze our tookis’ off for 4 hours. Who knew sweat could freeze in a marathon? I took the year “off” to train for Ironman and really didn’t spend much time at all getting ready to run. When I started to train for triathlons, I was doing pretty well in the running department. I was seeking a new challenge, a new community, and a chance to connect to cycling. (At the time, that was an important need in my life, as cycling was really important in my relationship. Things are different now) I progressed from sprint to Ironman in three years. It wasn’t until the Ironman training that my running truly suffered.

So here I am, one year post Ironman (give or take two months) and I am at a complete loss for running skill. I watched this weekend as some very dear friends ran Ironman Lake Placid. I spent much of the day feeling complete joy at their individual successes in each of the disciplines. Their strength, their endurance, was something that I can’t imagine I ever had. Perhaps I did at some point, but now, it is completely lost.

I know how to train for a marathon. I have done it a variety of ways; moderate miles, lots o’ miles, barely there miles. I have had times that I’ve been proud of and times that I am embarrassed to post. I have run marathons in 85 degrees (twice) and the aforementioned 25 degrees. In rain, in clouds, in sun. In Eastern Standard, Central Standard, and Pacific Standard Time. Up hills and along flats. I have trained on the track, on the trail, on the treadmill. I know how to calculate race pace, 800 pace, 2 mile repeat pace. I have trained with amazing people; friends for a season and one friend for a lifetime (who moved on me two years ago and it hasn’t been the same since.) But now as I sit here with two months to go, I am at a complete loss. I cannot get my feet under me. I cannot get motivated to join the throng for the long runs. I am not approaching food with the fuel mentality. I think every blog I have written in the last 10 months has had the same tenor.

I hear the words, “get up and run”, “just go try”, “you can do this” from the people around me. I like when I run 30 minutes, even 45, but beyond that, I’m not sure I get the point.  But, the entry is paid and the announcement has been made, so I will toe the starting line in October, ready or not.  Two months.

The reality is I’m completely out of shape. I’m struggling to do runs that used to be easy. I’m not in the top group of runners, I’m in the bottom of the second group. And I do mean bottom. I can barely keep up. It is really frustrating for me to see years of work flown out the window. No one is to blame but me. I am the one who chose to rest for 3 months after IM. I am the one who didn’t push hard enough after “Fankle 2010”.  Now, I have to humble myself and look slow in front of folks who A. don’t like me very much and B. I used to coach. It is a fall from grace yet again.

All the excuse routes are now closed. The weight of so many things in the last two years are lifted, but the personal pressure has not changed. How long will it take to find my way back to endurance and fitness? I am unsure. The daily mental motivation battle is one that I don’t win over easily. I joined this new group for accountability and push, but the first two workouts have reminded me that there is a clique and I am not in it. So I need to use the time as planned, to push and be pushed. To break through the horrible cycle of laziness and work towards renewed fitness.

12.5 weeks to go.

Here is the link for the map of the first day of Angel Ride. God have mercy on my soul (and tush, quads, calves, digestive system….)

Angel Ride Day One…