The reality is I’m completely out of shape. I’m struggling to do runs that used to be easy. I’m not in the top group of runners, I’m in the bottom of the second group. And I do mean bottom. I can barely keep up. It is really frustrating for me to see years of work flown out the window. No one is to blame but me. I am the one who chose to rest for 3 months after IM. I am the one who didn’t push hard enough after “Fankle 2010”. Now, I have to humble myself and look slow in front of folks who A. don’t like me very much and B. I used to coach. It is a fall from grace yet again.
All the excuse routes are now closed. The weight of so many things in the last two years are lifted, but the personal pressure has not changed. How long will it take to find my way back to endurance and fitness? I am unsure. The daily mental motivation battle is one that I don’t win over easily. I joined this new group for accountability and push, but the first two workouts have reminded me that there is a clique and I am not in it. So I need to use the time as planned, to push and be pushed. To break through the horrible cycle of laziness and work towards renewed fitness.
12.5 weeks to go.