Why? Because this is my life.

Last week I did probably made the craziest athletic choice since signing up for IM. I signed up for my first 50k. And, it’s a 50k trail race. (I have been trail running probably no more than 25 times and only 3 miles to boot.) I wanted a new challenge and a softer surface for my big “bones” so I jumped into the pool and got into a race that I truly have no business trying to run.

I was excited about this and shared it with a colleague. The colleague looked at me with utter horror and said, “why???”. Not, “why you crazy lady?” but rather, “why are you stupid enough to do that? and why must you take on more physical challenge”. It was overwhelmingly hurtful. I don’t believe intentionally but I was expecting, “wow, another challenge for you” not really, a judgmental “why”.

So my answer to WHY is…I was a pretty sedentary kid, teen, young adult so I didn’t understand what it meant to push the body physically.  When I started running at age 23, I became a new person. When I did my Ironman last year, I was reborn to discipline. In the last year, I have let that discipline lag tremendously. My muscles know it, my pace shows it, and my mental state has been a clear marker. By giving myself a goal which right now seems ludicrous, I have given myself the chance to renew discipline and try something new. To remind myself everyday that I am not defined by my job, my life circumstance, or by any other outside factor unless I choose to be. And I choose to be a runner.

Why WOULDN’T you?

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2 thoughts on “Why? Because this is my life.

  1. Casey October 2, 2010 / 2:05 am

    Exactly. Why wouldn’t you? You’re willing, you’re curious, you’re driven, you crave more purpose and meaning in your day than many, and you’re badass. Unfortunately, the badass feeling passes after about a year, and you have to sign up for an even longer or more challenging event. She’s just jealous. Ignore her.

  2. Caitlin October 2, 2010 / 4:25 am

    You are amazing. You are finding something that takes you, your body, and your mind to another level. A level of peace, clarity, and reason. Some people choose drugs, alcohol, or other paths to attempt to find peace but truly, you are doing something for you that no other substance can provide. The sense of accomplishment and pride you will feel as you continue on this path is unlike any other because it is your decision and your body and mind that will make it happen. I couldn’t be prouder of my big sister. Despite all the chaos you may feel surrounds you, know that you are loved and that you love yourself. I will certainly be there throughout it all – waiting at the finish line, supporting you for who you are because you are, as I said, an amazing person. Who wouldn’t think so? Who? Those who don’t truly know you, or even know themselves, for those people, I hope they learn. 🙂

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