look vs. feel

Since I am still in the boot from he**, I have jumped backed into the pool to keep up some sense of athletic prowess whilst the roads go on without me. A generous benefactor has allowed me the opportunity to workout at the MoCo pools (thanks!!) so that I don’t lose anymore strength or cardio than I already have…

Every time I get in the pool, I emerge happy. Whether I swim 1000 yards or 3000, aqua jog or do intervals; it does matter. I love swimming. I’m not really into zodiac or astrology, but I think I fit my “water sign” cancer to a tee. Yesterday, I swam alternates of 100 kick and 100 free until I was happy to leave. I don’t know what my elapsed time was or how many total laps, I just knew I felt awesome.

This is where I have to concentrate, on the feel. I am not in a place in life where I particularly enjoy the way I look. I don’t have the muscle tone of the past and I have added quite a bit of padding in the last three years. If I let it, it can really bring me down. I have to move past the fact that I no longer look like a teenager in a speedo and I look a little bit more roly-poly. My focus needs to be on the fact that I still feel like that 14 year old who can swim laps forever and sings when she backstrokes…the feel is more important than the look.

I made this last week in a moment of mental debate. While I would love to look like Dara Torres, I’ll take just feeling like her underwater for the time being.

Do you ever think you look one way or feel one way yet know you look completely different?

Do you struggle with body image even as an adult who knows better?


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