I’m reading A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis in hopes to gain some kind of grain, wisdom, insight, whatever into dealing with grief. While I feel I am not grieved as I once was, in time we all must begin to heal, I still seek solace in the wisdom of those who have walked a road of pain before me. This book is Lewis’ way of dealing with the grief of his beloved wife, H.
The thought that is sticking with me as I read today is this:
And whatever is matters. And whatever happens has consequences, and it and they are irrevocable and irreverisble.
He speaks, of course, of death. But this sticks with me. I feel as though the is should be capitalized for emphasis. The IS of your situation, whatever it be, does matter. In the time and place you are in, it all has consequence in some way. Be it globally or to merely the direction of your day. The IS matters.
I think the IS is an element of God’s free will. It is his gift. In death it is finite. For those of faith, death is eternal life; but the fact remains that those on earth are left with a finite repercussion. In grief, the IS is so fleeting. It can in one moment have you questioning all you have believed and in the next leaping for joy counting your blessings just to remind yourself you are alive.
I find myself unable to conjur tears in a way that I used to be unable to control. I worry that this means I’m not feeling in the same way. But the fact of the matter is that this is just a natural part of the grief process. At some point you stop crying every day. You accept what is. You may hate it, you may wish with all of your might that you could turn it upside down but you accept what is. Does that mean you move forward? Not necessarily. But instead of stewing in what was or could have been, you stew in what is. And when you are ready to go forward, God will still be there.
Romans 8:38-39 For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.