It is 9:40pm. Rachel Maddow is on. I am 3/4 of the way through writing a final exam. My quads are screaming from an early morning run and a bitchin’ spin class. Spin class was hard and really emotional. I’m stressed about school, about life, about lack of love. I’m worried about my student who I made cry today. I’m drinking a really good beer that I won’t finish. I’m dreading getting up to go to the pool tomorrow for the first time in two months. I still need to make the coffee for tomorrow and iron my shirt. I wish I had a helper to do one of those things. I love my red blanket on my couch, but really wish furry love bug was here. He loves it more. I feel like my final exam paper is a reiteration of things I have said over and over again. Rachel just said Ana Marie Cox is about to come on…she has good hair, I have never had good hair. I can’t believe it is only Tuesday. I’m going to miss my best friend so much when she has to go. I have lost a lot of love this year and don’t know what to do with my broken heart. My running is slow and I’m starting to worry that I’m not really an athlete. My mind races a mile a minute and sometimes I have no idea how to unplug it. Somedays I really love my job. I desperately hope that I can make a positive difference in someone’s life, every day. Most days I feel like I don’t do anything right. I want Rachel to wear a necklace. Clearly, blogging like this is selfish ranting, but typing is faster than handwriting a journal and in my wacky brain I sometimes wonder if there is someone out there is cyberland who is just as lost as me. I’m not unhappy–just a bit kerfloffled. I do a great Swedish chef impression. I love laughing. I love sweating. I love being warm. I like cocoa to the point its probably addiction worthy. I think anyone who works with kids is blessed beyond their wildest dreams. It is 9:49 and its officially time to get back to that final.
Good night dear reader.